My thoughts....
JUNE 24, 1995
UPDATED 11/08/09
WORDS TO CONSIDER
"Courage is the thing. All goes if courage goes."
J.M. Barrie (English Literary and creator of Peter Pan)
"Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. Without fear there is no courage."
World War I Fighter Ace Eddie Rickenbacker
"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers."
Author Unknown
Greetings, felicitations and welcome to my website. I would be Scott,
obviously! I live in Baltimore,
I have been called Kojak (not be confused with LOJACK)
but I look more like G. Gordon Liddy. Anytime I go into a Seven-Eleven someone
invariably has to ask me if I know who I look like! I suggest that he
is out in the limo if they really want to meet him. He and I also
go to the same barber.
I have two great sons, Scott Jr. and Alex. Scott is in his second year of college and Alex is finishing up high school. The latter is really an important time for all of us for many reasons. My sons are handsome lads and that is not from my side of the family tree! Raising and mentoring young men is a real chore. Perhaps I am lucky not to have daughters in this day and age.
Scott has always been more cerebral. Reading technical stuff, beating X Box games and skateboarding have been passions. For years he was very philosophical, empathetic and compassionate. He had aspired to be some type of intellectual having been involved in a 'Mad Science' program in school many years ago. He (with the orange socks in this dated photo) used to run like a Gazelle. His forte was working the sideline on offense making the turn at the corner and taking the angle shot. If it went in, fine. If not, it was a great set-up for an assist. On defense he was tenacious even though everyone was twice his size. River Valley Ranch had been where he was hanging out during many Summers working towards a Counselor in Training opportunity. Long ago it was Rodeo Camp which was a real challenge along with the Adventure Camp (zip lines, bungee jumping, rock climbing & anything else that can get your adrenaline pumping!) The Summer of 2005 he worked at the ranch for five weeks and hung out for one more. Oh, and the drama of driving! A 1998 Ford Mustang had been his chariot to cruise around town with. Now it is a Hyundai Tiburon. I really loved my '57 Chevy Bel Air ragtop when I was 18! Keeping good grades in Honors studies was tough enough his Senior year but on top of that was serving as a volunteer Firefighter II/EMT since Summer 2007. He received his EMT-B Certification in February 2008. He lived at the fire station 24/7 for eight months. He now is also a Rescue Tech and Emergency Vehicle Operator. Here is a personal injury accident which was quite serious on an Interstate. Scott was inside the vehicle stabilizing the operator. Last August an accident involving a stolen vehicle crashed into a residence killing the mother of three girls. The incident (Scott is in #6) occurred less than 100 yards from the fire station. Sadly, Scott knew the family, attended the prom and graduated with their oldest daughter. The incident was very traumatic for family, friends, classmates and the community as a whole. This website shares the thoughts and prayers for the family. Scott's dedication and hard work was recently recognized when he received the Chief's Award for 2008 at his fire station. He continues to live at the firehouse when he is home from college and we share on duty experiences all the time. He just signed up for the USMC OCS College Program and that changes many things. We shall see.
Alex, formerly known as 'TAZ', used to be quite a handful. He was a very busy young
man and after all these years it was determined that he is Autistic. Asperger's
Syndrome appears to be the key component
of that. A lot of questions were finally answered but that only makes for
more questions! He is having a great Senior year and is considering
culinary school upon graduation. Alex thrives on beating X-Box games and in the past getting all bruised up
while aggressive
inline skating. He has no fear or perhaps it is more not appreciating
the value of safety. In the past I believed we were raising a fish since he
spent half his life in the pool and the other singing in the shower. He
used to be the 'enforcer' on the soccer field and the 'penalty killer' as his
position normally was defense and midfield. His opponents had to understand if
they did not get out of his way they would be run over!
Although he lost a bit of desire and focus in 2003 ( and it all makes sense now!)
the culmination of the
successful (
Soccer, basketball and baseball were the only sports both had been involved with
in the past. Then it was Tae
Kwon
Do twice a week. Scott earned a Red
Belt and Alex broke his foot two weeks prior to that test and finished a Blue
Belt with Red Stripe. A trampoline at their house had allowed them to do crazy
things during years past. Was the time they used to zip around on 75cc and 50cc Honda
motorcycles. I rode for 25 years and closed my eyes. Alex
jumped hills and put the bike down to the pegs on turns. ARGH! I kept my
medical card handy! Scott took a good tumble once and it gave him a more
pronounced appreciation for safety. The motorcycles were given up
for a go-kart/dune buggy. Yikes! Trust me, it
was not a toy. It rolled over more than once as well as striking
a few trees head on! Of course that was the fun part!
We camp, used to drown worms (sometimes we even caught fish!) and do what
dads and sons do. Sometimes I thought their mission was simply to drive me crazy!
Our combined animal menagerie has consisted of Dogs,
Cats, a three-foot Iguana, Gerbils,
Gold fish in a pond and Ferrets.
A recent addition was Max.
He was a rescue from the street and after five months of taking care of him I
found him a nice home with a K-9 pal to play with.
We do not camp together like we use to but I am now a twelve month of year
camper. Our summer adventures have continued
to be anchored by Cherrystone Campground
just North of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel.
Regular campgrounds have been Eagles
Peak, Spring Gulch, Drummer
Boy, Elk
Neck State Park and Gifford
Pinchot State Park. Took out our new 2006 Rockwood ROO
the first weekend of April 2006 at Drummer Boy. Okay, so a few things
happened. One of the trim rings flew off at 30 MPH on a road
The 2007 camping season was busy. The first trip to Lancaster in late March was our first gathering with the RV.Net folks that I enjoy online RV forums with. Two weekends at Eagles Peak and then five nights in Gettysburg with RV.Net again. This rally brought 60 families and over 150 people. What a hoot. Father's Day weekend was a casual outing at Gifford Pinchot. The lake was ready for swimming. Spring Gulch was an eight day adventure in July. Cherrystone was great! Where did the nine days go? Elk Neck has become a real fav CG. Easy drive, nice layout and full hook-ups. Eagle's Peak for Labor Day with the kids as well. Sampson State Park in September and met other RV.Net HTT owners from the NY/Canada area. It was a long drive but beautiful country. The Finger Lakes Region is known for water views and wineries.
The 2008 camping season has been the most industrious regarding time spent in the ROO. Three trips to Elk Neck, two weeks in Cherrystone, a week each in the Catskills and Spring Gulch, several other weekends here and there but the season is not over yet! Five nights over Thanksgiving at Pine Grove KOA was a totally different camping experience. I have never been out in November at all. This was a solo trip as Alex wanted to stay home and schmooze with his cousins. However, they did not show so he missed out on a good time. Scott has been busy with things that young men need to address and has been absent on all but our Cherrystone gig. He did show for two nights at Spring Gulch. This season the A/C control unit went bad the first minute of a five day trip to Elk Neck during a 95 degree week. Yuk! Had not turned it on all year. No need. A television antenna replacement was also necessary but the ROO is hanging in there otherwise. Always a new mod somewhere to consider. Where can I put that 42 inch flat screen? I finished up the year in style spending five nights over New Years Eve with many other families at Elk Neck. It was frigid and very windy but what a hoot!
The 2009 camping season is winding down. A couple of days during New Year's week, weekends in February and March at Elk Neck were an outstanding beginning. A ten day trip to Tennessee and Dollywood during Easter Break was outstanding! Eagles Peak as week later and two more trips to Elk Neck were great. Five days in Upstate NY in August was solo for me. Then off to Cherrystone for three weeks. Ugh! First time ever doing three weeks anywhere and two weeks had been the standard at Cherrystone. After the week in NY and then right to VA it was too much. Nevermore! The annual RV.Net Rally at Elk Neck in September had major rain again. Took the month of October off from camping but will do five days in late November at Elk Neck.
We ventured to Cocoa
Beach and Orlando in August 1999. Our
I have been a police officer since 1983 and chose this profession because it was not difficult figuring out what to wear on a daily basis. As long as I had a clean pair of socks the rest was easy. In 1986 I left a department in Pennsylvania when I was hired by the Baltimore County Police. Our Department is made up of 1,900 sworn officers and over 600 civilian employees. It is the 17th largest municipal law enforcement agency in the country. In 2005 the County population was approximately 754,000. Our patrol area covers 610 square miles plus another 173 square miles of navigable waterways. I have been stationed at the White Marsh Precinct in various capacities for my entire career. When the new Station opened in October 1987 I never would have believed that today I am one of only three Officers originally assigned there when it opened. I am currently assigned to a Special Operations Unit which handles crime, drug and community complaints as they develop and to maintain enforcement and crime prevention in areas where we may have already been involved. It is not all that glamorous but it is still fun. I also have become a spare Traffic Team member. I am heading out for a two week Traffic Investigators School in October. Been 25 years since the last similar school and I am ready for the new training.
The Baltimore
Initially we had two police officers in a SRO pilot program for two years at two high schools. Currently we are in
all the high schools and middle schools. Eight of the 'busier' high schools picked up a second SRO
four years back and that made a big difference and my professional life a tad less
hectic. SROs in the middle schools are required to teach DARE. Their
function is a bit different than SROs at the high schools. Our Precinct has two high schools with close to 3,700 kids. My peers wanted no part of
being a SRO. Dangerous? Hectic? Hmmm? Do not misunderstand the
concept of being a SRO. The school is your assignment but a SRO is a
patrol officer whose primary responsibility may be the school but his/her duties
also involve the surrounding communities. It was not uncommon to see me on
a variety of calls within the Precinct on any given day. Now I am doing
that full time again and feel great!
SROs attend a forty-hour course taught by NASRO.
We also received two days of training from Street
Law on pertinent issues in today's society and how they related to
students. In April 2000, SROs completed a two day seminar 'Bombs, Bomb
Threats and Booby Traps' put on by Ralph Williams and his Explosive Device
Technologies organization. I learned two important caveats or shall I
say they were drilled into my head. One,
"don’t touch anything" and two, I didn't want to be "DRT" (Dead
Right There). In 2002 and 2006 I attended
the NASRO annual conference in Palm Springs,
CA.
What beautiful country that is out there.
Once you get used to the traffic and the heat all is well.
In 2002 I visited L.A. for part of a
day and found that and the locals very interesting. Hollywood
is not as clean
as one may think and Beverly Hills is not as gaudy
as it is appears on television. Admittedly
Rodeo Drive is an expensive
place to shop. Thank goodness for
Wal-Mart and Target! The Santa Monica
Pier was neat
too. In October 2004 the SROs who were involved with the program from
its inception received a Departmental Unit Citation.
In April 2003 I had the opportunity to attend the Incident Response to
Terrorist Bombing Instructor's school in Socorro,
NM managed by the adjunct faculty and staff of the Energized Materials
Research Training Center (EMRTC) at New Mexico
Tech. On a movie factoid note, the VLA
(Very Large Array) seen in the movie 'Contact' with Jodie Foster is 50 miles
West of Socorro in the middle of nowhere! It was neat to go see.
Las Cruces, further South was also gorgeous. I
would offer that in all my years as a police officer this was by far the most
intense and dynamic training I have ever received. The most somber and
sobering event was the day we observed what a 400 pound ANFO (Ammonium Nitrate
Fuel Oil) bomb would do to a 1967 Chevy Chevelle (what a waste!) and a
structure replicating a small cottage. The amount of ANFO was only 1/12th
of that used by Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols when the Murrah Federal
Building in Oklahoma City was bombed. We had great insight about
that event due to the fact that one of our instructors was a bomb tech with the
Oklahoma City PD when the
'poo' hit the fan. When our training bomb went off we were safe in a bunker
3/4 of a mile away viewing the details through mirrored reflectors. The
sights, sounds and shock wave were something I will never forget.
Enough said.
I had spent several terms on the Board of Directors of our Fraternal
Order of Police
Baltimore
County
Lodge #4. The 2003 National FOP Conference was in Providence
I had been a member of our Department's Critical Incident Support Team
(CIST) since 1995. I finally 'retired' from the team in 2007. CIST members are called upon to assist in the emotional
defusing/debriefing of police officers and civilians that have been involved in trauma
related incidents. This communication with those involved is not necessarily
complete at the scene. There may be follow-ups and referrals to more qualified
mental health caretakers. The important aspect here is to make sure the
participants in an incident are not without immediate resources and the
appropriate personal attention. It surely can make a difference. Our team
received four days of Introductory and Advanced Critical Incident Stress
Management training by Jeff Mitchell's International
Critical Stress Incident Stress Foundation, Inc. in 2002. One can
never learn enough and his approach is awesome. I
attended a superb three day seminar in 2001 sponsored by Susie Sawyer
and her Concerns of Police Survivors (COPS)
organization on Death and Trauma as it relates to law enforcement personnel. The
seminar was well attended by numerous police departments and agencies from many states.
Our CIST Unit was recognized by the Governor of the State of Maryland and
the Governor's Crime Victim Coalition in 1999 and 2001 for our continued efforts
involving critical incidents. Our team also was awarded a Departmental Unit
Citation in 1999 and 2003. Several of our team attended a two-day
State of Maryland CISD
level training
in 1999 to be qualified for call-outs for the MIEMS (Maryland
Institute for Emergency Medical Services) Team. None of us were utilized by
MIEMS after that. We were too 'radical' for that crowd. You know the
drill. Get the job done but only 'their' way. Oh well. A
former CIST Lieutenant, now the Chief of Police at George
Mason University, responded with NOVA
to assist with the Columbine
Life can provide many opportunities to learn and promote positive issues
to others we interact with. In our profession we all too often lose sight of
what our lives mean especially to those we serve. Bear with me a
moment and you will understand my presentation. My mother died of Breast Cancer in
December of 1991 after a lengthy struggle to beat the disease. She was only fifty-six years
old. I never knew her pain nor what was needed to fight such an awful
disease. My father worked in a chemical plant for 42 years long before OSHA
and the EPA were around to make a difference. He handled caustic
chemicals without good information or equipment required by law today. He passed
away in December of 1984 due to complications from that exposure as well as a 50 year
old tobacco
habit. I would like to add that he and his twin
brother both served our nation proudly in WWII from 1942-1945. My father
served two tours of duty in the Pacific Theatre (Saipan & Philippines) and
his brother was in
I am a Cancer survivor and have learned about the true meaning of that since my diagnoses in 1992. I thought I was in the prime of my life at age thirty-eight and did not smoke and only drank socially. Perhaps I took life for granted, not unlike most folks I suspect. I thought a disease such as Cancer would never be something I had to personally deal with. Admittedly I did not pay attention to what my mother had gone through and may have even been a bit cavalier about it. I regret that but learned well from it. Now I impress upon others the need for information and the necessity to ask questions of medical practitioners. If you do not understand or accept something your medical caretaker provides you need to get a second, third or however many other opinions you feel are appropriate. Trust me. I missed that important point. Now folks ask my advice about medical issues and trust my guidance. No, I am not practicing medicine without a license!
I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell
Carcinoma
of the Larynx in May 1992 having not been diagnosed properly for about a
year prior to that. It was a moment when time stood still. Throat
and Laryngeal Cancers were not on my radar at that time. However, as
well I learned, voice
disorders most certainly could be a pre-cursor for throat cancer. Fighting
a disease is like any battle. You need a plan and an army. I had a plan. I wanted to survive. My 'army' was lead by a surgeon who was not
satisfied to do things the easy way and coincidentally her father had been a
police officer too. The 'troops' were the personnel of the Greater
Baltimore Medical Center and the staff of the Milton
J. Dance Head and Neck Rehabilitation Center located there. A special
hello goes out to all the practitioners who attend the Voice Restoration Seminars and
utilize me as a test dummy. It is the least I can do. I am always
promised by my Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) that "there will be women
there". Well, that is true. What's her point? Donuts and
coffee are also used as a bribe but do not make a difference contrary to rumor
and popular opinion about cops and those snack
items.
Back to my story. Stay awake! Things were not going well in the early
part of September 1992 or at least it seemed that way. Forty-two sessions of
maximum pre-op radiation did little more than give me a good sunburn and allow
me to lose fifty pounds in less than three weeks. Eating and drinking were the
least of my worries once a Gastrostomy tube was inserted. That would
remain for a year. Boy, did I miss my coffee! I did not need a
Richard Simmons video to look thin. My surgeon made a decision which
would in fact save my life. On
The
recovery process went a bit awry and I stayed in the hospital almost a month due
to numerous complications. My head looked like a big Red basketball and it
was not fun. My surgeon then came back early from a vacation to
England to assist with some of the more prominent issues. In this
day and age it is difficult to even get some medical practitioners on the phone
let alone arrange a visit. I was blessed to have this very professional
and dedicated
My road back to better health and the potential for full duty began the day I left the hospital. However, I was made acutely aware that my career as a police officer was more than likely over. From the time I was diagnosed I knew I would not let this disease take away all that I loved including my job. Not to be in control was in itself difficult. The words disease, divorce and depression were very real for several years after my surgery. My primary caretakers at GBMC were intrigued if not uplifted by my determination and dedication to task. Yes, there would be quite a few complications, a set-back on my birthday in 1993 landed me in the hospital for several days and then another twenty-some medical procedures to prepare me for a return to full duty. We did our homework and things were looking somewhat optimistic. I had initially gone back to work part-time only two months after my original surgery. It was physically and emotionally difficult for me and tough for my peers as well. My nickname quickly became 'ROBOCOP' due to the fact I used an electro-larynx to speak. People would call the Precinct and I would answer the phone but often they asked to speak to "a real person". Some were rude and cruel. In public I would be stared at even when I was with my sons. Kinda hard to hide the scars and my face was still quite swollen for several months. I was glad they were very young and couldn't understand how discouraged their father was during those moments.
There also were some very important sharing opportunities during those years. Before I had become ill I was involved in a program created by a very special teacher from Joppa View Elementary School. It was called Project L.O.V.E. (Love Officers Very Easily). It's intent was to get kids and cops together to learn about each other. I became involved with a third grade class many months before my cancer diagnosis. Little did I know that this limited involvement would be a stepping stone while I was recovering from my surgery. During the time I was working towards full duty I continued visiting third grade classes at Joppa View as well as Carney Elementary. I would visit several times a month and every year greet a new class and watch all my former students move on. Those kids provided as much inspiration for me as they thought I inspired them. As the years go by I often am greeted by someone who asks, "are you Robocop?". Of course the reply is always in the affirmative but the follow-up often becomes "I remember you from Project L.O.V.E." or "you visited my class when I was in elementary school". Recently I ran into one of those students in an auto parts store while on duty. I heard this nice young man ask, "are you Officer Bachman?" Hah! Of course I am. Who the heck would want to look and talk like me anyway? But seriously, this articulate, well mannered young man let me know that he was in the class of third graders who had seen both the Robocop and the 'new and improved' Officer Bachman after I had my TEP surgery all in the same grade year. Ah, the beauty of time. Another impromptu meeting some time ago was with another Joppa View student who recognized me at a local mall. Of course, on duty and in search of a bad guy. He remembered many of our visits and had completed steps to become a police officer. It is nice to know that one's life is truly worth something to others without even knowing it. Every moment, every message, every opportunity may hold a positive influence for someone. I know what those visits with all those third graders did for me. It appears that my visits did a lot for them as well. What goes around comes around and quite often it may be a simple blessing. I believe the buzzword today is "pay it forward".
My attitude has been founded in a philosophy of "You
can be or do anything. Never give up". My surgeon and SLP were my best buddies. We never moved
forward with a procedure unless all agreed. My surgeon was advised by her
peers in other hospitals that our goal for me to return to full duty was not practical primarily because of
numerous complications and the necessity for voicing which my occupation
demands.
In January of 1995 I had another surgery which would pretty much
decide my professional fate and singing career! The procedure is
known as a Tracheo-Esophageal Puncture or TEP (on AOL my
former screen name was TEPFuzz). It affords the opportunity for voice
through a rather simple non-mechanical vibration of your Esophagus. TEP
voice is one of three types of speech
alternatives used by Laryngectomees.
I owe a great deal of thanks to the staff at the Dance
Center
for their
diligence and patience as well. Most people think I have a bad cold or
Laryngitis. Hah Hah! Actually, I almost sound like Barry White. For you
younger folks he was a popular singer in the 70s & 80s doing mostly disco
stuff. The voice is interesting. My mother would be proud of me due to the
fact that I cannot eat/drink and talk at the same time. That does slow me
down at power lunches!
My job was on the line in June of 1995 when I was officially notified that I would need to retire. I believe it was more of being terminated. There were several other officers who were also caught up in the same occupational shuffle and we all had issues to overcome. Two other officers and I shared an interesting camaraderie of sorts. One officer was having vision issues, the other was losing his hearing and of course for me it was a voice thing. We were like the three monkeys, See No Evil, Speak No Evil and Hear No Evil. We found some comfort in that analogy. I would have been happy to remain on the job cleaning toilets with a toothbrush but even that hadn't been an option. I was the only one who made the cut so to speak but it was what had to be done. The facts surrounding that situation is ancient history and I went back to working on the street after two demanding physical exams and quite a bit of trepidation. I felt like a rookie again. Not to be cliché but I was going where "no man had gone before" (for all you Star Trek fans). Interestingly, soon after those issues were resolved I was able to work a security detail when Pope John Paul II visited Baltimore. Perhaps that was a blessing in itself. I never saw him up close but I am sure his spirit was upon us all. My supporters at GBMC were very proud of the final outcome and I was very thankful for their respect and guidance. Years later I am more mellow (NOT!) and satisfied about the challenge that was placed before me. In October 1999 I received recognition from the Baltimore County Commission on Disabilities as their Baltimore County Employee of the Year. I don't feel disabled! Wow! Life is good. All I am missing now is an Oscar. I had an opportunity to be a presenter at Alex's school in 2002 for their disABILITY Awareness Day. There were folks from all walks of life and professions. It did not matter if they were considered handicapped, disabled or challenged. The circumstances and success stories were the important aspect promoted to the students. I always look forward to opportunities to speak to groups. Being vocally challenged has actually enhanced my public speaking abilities. I provided the Keynote Address for the NJ 2005 Laryngectomee Conference in Princeton. It was a pleasure to meet so many medical care practitioners, product reps, family members, friends and of course fellow Laryngectomees. I believe it was important for the conference attendees to experience yet another forum in which a Laryngectomee can meet adversity head on and be successful. Certainly a career path in law enforcement without vocal chords is a rare thing and should be a positive offering to any group or organization. I have been tempted to write a book about some of these experiences but often wonder if my trials and tribulations were not really that big of a deal. I will figure it out.
I recently attended the Mid-Atlantic Laryngectomy Conference held at the Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia. It was a homecoming of sorts since I lived in Philly for 11 years and spent a lot of time in N.E. Philly where the Center is located. It was good to catch up with friends I had met at the NJ Conference as well as meeting new folks. I was finally able to meet a special person with whom I had only minimal contact with back in 1993. Bruce Horn has been a Philadelphia Police Officer for 32 years and a Laryngectomee since 1987. He was a Marine in Vietnam and exposed to Agent Orange. And yes, his cigarette habit did not help either. He had to do legal battle with the city to keep his job, something I was able to avoid. He persevered and continued his career. Although he stays in a Central Records capacity he still gets a chance to go out on details. He does not use TEP voice but utilizes Espohageal voicing. I enjoyed my time with Bruce and his wife. Folks came up to me at the Conference and were amazed that they could hear me across a room. I am lucky for sure.
Perspective and perseverance are key. Penitence and prayer are also important concepts. One of my favorite Bible passages during some of the more difficult times was James 1:2-6...Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
As I reflect on every cancer free anniversary date it is at times difficult to explain what comes with that. Some days it seems like forever and others like it was only yesterday. I also am beginning to understand I need to slow down. As painful as it is to admit all this has taken a toll. My profession does have a way of cheating you out of a few good years of a healthy lifestyle as well. That was evident September 2006 when a stress related medical issue cropped up as I started the school year. I had not taken a sick day since my surgery and was literally off my feet for several weeks. I was not a happy camper, no pun intended, as I could not get out for our three day Labor Day camping weekend due to a combination of my illness and an ill wind as Tropical Storm Ernesto came through. Anyway, it was apparent that a professional switch needed to be made. Perhaps I was a year or two over my limit as a SRO. Since being back on the road those who have observed me in action suggest that I seem more relaxed. The younger officers really appreciate my work ethic and supervisors trust my judgment. Stress? Where is my Nordic Track? I am finally absolved of routine blood work and x-rays and my yearly Oncological exams are actually mundane. If I go in for a minor procedure I consider it to be a 'tune-up'. Scar tissue and the fact that I talk a lot creates issues with the TEP. The fact that I can complain is a good thing I suspect.
Another philosophy I have developed since 1992 goes like this, "All
battles are worth fighting when your life hangs in the balance. However, the
cost of winning is known only to the victor". You may have a different philosophy and if it works in your
life that is all that matters.
I continue to do what I feel best suits me. Quite simply it is
surviving and enhancing my life. I continue to assist in the counseling of
Cancer patients of all types as well as motivational speaking on and off the
job. The forums may be secular, spiritual or professional. It does
not matter. That is a cool thing considering I 'lost my voice'. Some people
I have encountered since my surgery think I may be too serious. I am not
sure how to address that. I suspect that may be an accurate assessment to
some degree. Only I know what is best for me. We need to
live each moment as if it were our last. I have a strong belief that our
Lord would not have given me all this energy if there wasn't a reason to use it.
I also have been enlightened to a deeper spirituality. I suspect it may be
that of a closer personal relationship with our Lord. There is so
much to offer in the way of Christian service. Giving one's time is often
a more powerful contribution and commitment than any amount of money or goods.
I joined an 'over thirty' single's music ministry at our church as a
percussionist in 2002 and immensely enjoyed that exposure. Suffice it to
say I am not Ringo Starr. I also played a few months at a Christian
coffeehouse. I am continually seeking opportunities beyond the scope of
those forums to enhance my skills. Time for a mixing board and speakers!
I finally bought an electronic drum set and do not have to worry
about keeping the neighbors awake after 10 PM. Headphones are nice! Can I write off drums and percussion instruments as therapy?
My accountant says "no way"! Regardless, it is not about playing well but serving well. Once again I
find it necessary to reassess that. And as if there was not enough to do I
earned a real estate license in June 2004 but got out of the biz two years
later. Not my thing. I even own an AARP card now!
Off to Denny's to get a deal on a meal.
Thank you for listening and may your life be blessed with the realization there is always hope.
THE ROAD
THE ROAD IS LONG, THE LOAD NOT LIGHT.
YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO CROSSROADS
WHERE THE SUN HAS SHINED BRIGHT.
YES, I AM TIRED AND YET UNAFRAID
OF THAT WHICH MAY LIE AHEAD.
FOR YOU ARE MY LORD AND MASTER
AND HAVE FILLED ME WITH GRACE INSTEAD.
I NOW KNOW WHY MY LIFE'S BEEN SPARED
TO SPEAK YOUR NAME HEAVENLY FATHER
TO THOSE WHO NEED THY CARE.
My thoughts....
JUNE 24, 1995
UPDATED
11/08/09
